I am a broken heart with legs.

Truly truly I am until you make these bones sing again.

Until you make my face shine again.

Who am I without you?

I am nothing. And these filthy rags testify to it.

All the trials I walked lead to the same place.

All my attempts to clean the blood off my hands only seem to dirty my wound.

 

If I am the catastrophe will you be the cure?

So Yah...

I shut all my windows.

They protect me from the storm.

I'm alone but I wait for someone.

One who keeps the lights on.

One who keeps the house warm.

I feel a swaying rhythm.

If we get swept to sea I'll be happyIt's all we wish for now.

I wish you'd keep the lights down.

I wish you'd keep the house warm.

We have enough we can handle it.

If we don't make I will fall apart.

All is in vain for us.

I think we can make it now.

I think that we can make it.

I wish you'd keep the lights down.

I wish you'd keep the house warm .

Coloring With Jesus

Today at 8 o’clock I went to receive prophetic ministry from IHOP. I had been praying most of the day about this I really wanted to hear something specific from God’s heart just for me. I really hate when people give me general prophecies for example “You are God’s beloved.” Not to be harsh it’s just I want something that I can call my own. I can very joyfully say I received a very good prophetic word.
This word was very confirmed a lot for me. Ever since I moved to IHOP from my home twenty hours away in Chapel Hill North Carolina it has been very difficult for me. I love this life style. There are so many beautiful people here devoted to Christ but I just haven’t felt like I have fit in anywhere. For the first two months my heart was very hardened toward the leadership as well. I just felt like I was being pushed into someone I am not. It’s hard for me here because I feel a lot of the time the messages are so serious I completely throw away the whole reason why I am here. I am here because I love Jesus and there is Joy in that!!! I tried to change the way I spend time with him to. Something inside me kept telling me “Whitney, you really need to grow up.” So I gave into to it a bit my prayer language became saturated with religious jargon and I stopped having my ‘color with Jesus time’. Then the frustration and despair came there was no Joy in that. I remember sitting on my bed and God said “Whitney what are you doing? Please just talk to me like you normally do!!!”

The word of the lord to me during the prophetic ministry was that he loves my unique child like heart I have towards him. That he delights in how real I am with him, even when I am angry with him. That I have a childlike playfulness but that doesn’t make me childish. That the lord said don’t keep the children from coming to me! This isn’t some stage. God is not telling me that I have to grow up. The being child like is wisdom in its self. That through the years it will just be enhanced as I take my fathers hand in that simple trust.

If there is one thing I have learned in my life it is to always be real with God. When you are upset or questioning him tell him, he already knows all of your thoughts anyways. Honesty is how we become vulnerable with him. God can only mold a heart that we extend to him; he will not force it upon us. So often of the time we get swept up into progress but it’s a false kind of progress. We think that somehow if we read more, fast more, say bigger words, dance frantically, and sing at the top of our lungs, we will grow closer to God. "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it. Isaiah 30:15

Did you know that you have his attention 24/7 and you always have, even in your sin? The only way we grow closer to God is coming as our poor wretched selves before his feet and letting him change us. Prayer , fasting, reading your bible are all great things but, at the end of the day are they moving your heart closer to your lover or is it just a check list that makes you feel spiritual? Sometimes we need to re-evaluate why we do things we do. Sometimes we just need to take our brokenness and sit at his feet.

In case you are wondering why there is a picture of me and Bridget... i think she embodies this idea... perfectly .... and I REALLY miss her.

Total Change of Plans....

If we say we love God so much then why is are allegiance more towards man?

THink about it...
most of the time we have more fear of man than we do of God. For instance if our boss tells us to do do something or be at work at a certian time we do it. A lot of times we do not do it out of a joyful heart but we do it none the less for fear of being fired. Or take are friends for example say you are my friend and I tell you "tomorrow, lets hang out. You wanna go get coffee?" you say "yes" and we agree to meet early in the morning before school.So when six thirty rolls around and Im getting up a whole hour early just to see you... I can do one of two things.1.) Because im not a morning person groan roll over and turn my alarm off. or 2.) Keep my promise and wake the heck up anyways(and if I am honest with myself I will choose number two because I want to keep a good repuatation with you, no one likesto be the late, undependable friend.) Well , this morning I found myself in a similar situation. I woke up at 6 o clock. I just gone to bed at 2 am.Last night my decision seemed perfectly rational for some odd reason. I was so excited to see this person. But as soon as thealarm went off... a thought went through me head (What the &#$% am I up so early for I dragged my feet and walked down the creekystairs to make a pot of coffee. I made it extra extra black... since I did not get much sleep, and wouldn't for the rest of the day. all the while kept thinking im my head ( wow, what the *@#^ am I doing up so early?. Sorry God for my poor choice of words) I drink my coffee and start to take a shower. Now im like thinking to myself.... this is love.(as im washing my hair.) and the thought was so random. I said it out loud to myself "THis is love..."

As I got out of the shower the holy spirit whispered to me in a witty way " Thought you weren't a morning person witni." All the sudden I was hit by all the times I had said to Jesus "Im going to get up early and spend time with you every morning" and never did. Why is it that we respect the opinion of man more? That if I had said that to a friend I would bust my butt to do that for them. But if i said it to God, it would okay. He is merciful right? I can sleep in as much as I want. Shouldn't my time with him be the most precious of all!!!!??? Shouldn't it be a joy to just talk to him???After all thats what I was created for. And the thing is , is he loves me more than anyone... anyone I could hang out with ever. Shouldn't I value that far above everything else? I think its time I got my priorities straight. I was so struck by this that I texted that person and said I was sick. ( If you are reading this, you know whoyou are ...forgive me :) ...I love you.... just not as much as Jesus..haha)

Paul talks about let your Yes be Yes. and your No mean NO. ANything else comes from the evil one. I have always tried to uphold that but, It always seems to fall short with God. there are countless things I have not followed through with and told him I would and I will have to give accountto that one day. It sucks so bad because what will my excuse be? Im sure he could flip through the pages of my lifeand and see all the times I have followed through for people and that breaks my heart. The only excuse I have for that is quite honestly... I am more concerned for what people think about me than God. OUch... the truth hurts... but I knowthat if all of us were honest with ourselves that would be the truth. It has been engraved into our system by the world and its something we need to violently take war agianst. The FIRST COMMANDMENT IS LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD With all yourheart, mind, soul, and strength THEN love your neighbor as yourself. We can only love our neighbor as ourself if we first love God with all we are. And sometimes love hurts. Love is the choice we make everyday to lay down our social time,our priorities, our self worship and say no, this love is precious, this heart is precious ... and it belongs to jesus. So...right now... its 7:36 am... Im really tired ... its saturday... I should be asleep BUT a promise is a promiseand I want to start my day off right. If i can get up to go see a friend... I can get up to see my Jesus xDGOOD MORNING LOVE :)!

P.s I hate editing.......