Today at 8 o’clock I went to receive prophetic ministry from IHOP. I had been praying most of the day about this I really wanted to hear something specific from God’s heart just for me. I really hate when people give me general prophecies for example “You are God’s beloved.” Not to be harsh it’s just I want something that I can call my own. I can very joyfully say I received a very good prophetic word.
This word was very confirmed a lot for me. Ever since I moved to IHOP from my home twenty hours away in Chapel Hill North Carolina it has been very difficult for me. I love this life style. There are so many beautiful people here devoted to Christ but I just haven’t felt like I have fit in anywhere. For the first two months my heart was very hardened toward the leadership as well. I just felt like I was being pushed into someone I am not. It’s hard for me here because I feel a lot of the time the messages are so serious I completely throw away the whole reason why I am here. I am here because I love Jesus and there is Joy in that!!! I tried to change the way I spend time with him to. Something inside me kept telling me “Whitney, you really need to grow up.” So I gave into to it a bit my prayer language became saturated with religious jargon and I stopped having my ‘color with Jesus time’. Then the frustration and despair came there was no Joy in that. I remember sitting on my bed and God said “Whitney what are you doing? Please just talk to me like you normally do!!!”
This word was very confirmed a lot for me. Ever since I moved to IHOP from my home twenty hours away in Chapel Hill North Carolina it has been very difficult for me. I love this life style. There are so many beautiful people here devoted to Christ but I just haven’t felt like I have fit in anywhere. For the first two months my heart was very hardened toward the leadership as well. I just felt like I was being pushed into someone I am not. It’s hard for me here because I feel a lot of the time the messages are so serious I completely throw away the whole reason why I am here. I am here because I love Jesus and there is Joy in that!!! I tried to change the way I spend time with him to. Something inside me kept telling me “Whitney, you really need to grow up.” So I gave into to it a bit my prayer language became saturated with religious jargon and I stopped having my ‘color with Jesus time’. Then the frustration and despair came there was no Joy in that. I remember sitting on my bed and God said “Whitney what are you doing? Please just talk to me like you normally do!!!”
The word of the lord to me during the prophetic ministry was that he loves my unique child like heart I have towards him. That he delights in how real I am with him, even when I am angry with him. That I have a childlike playfulness but that doesn’t make me childish. That the lord said don’t keep the children from coming to me! This isn’t some stage. God is not telling me that I have to grow up. The being child like is wisdom in its self. That through the years it will just be enhanced as I take my fathers hand in that simple trust.
If there is one thing I have learned in my life it is to always be real with God. When you are upset or questioning him tell him, he already knows all of your thoughts anyways. Honesty is how we become vulnerable with him. God can only mold a heart that we extend to him; he will not force it upon us. So often of the time we get swept up into progress but it’s a false kind of progress. We think that somehow if we read more, fast more, say bigger words, dance frantically, and sing at the top of our lungs, we will grow closer to God. "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it. Isaiah 30:15
Did you know that you have his attention 24/7 and you always have, even in your sin? The only way we grow closer to God is coming as our poor wretched selves before his feet and letting him change us. Prayer , fasting, reading your bible are all great things but, at the end of the day are they moving your heart closer to your lover or is it just a check list that makes you feel spiritual? Sometimes we need to re-evaluate why we do things we do. Sometimes we just need to take our brokenness and sit at his feet.
In case you are wondering why there is a picture of me and Bridget... i think she embodies this idea... perfectly .... and I REALLY miss her.
2 comments:
aww i'm happy for you =]
that's kinda one thing i've been worried about (yes, already, a year before i even go to college...lame i know) for some reason.
the people at Patrick Henry, where i feel God's calling me, seem really awesome and Godly, but i have a feeling that they're a lot more...sane...in the way they express themselves and their love for God. I've been kinda worried that i'll totally lose my crazy, artistic side because i'll be so focused on school and politics and trying to seem uncrazy (like that would work anyway) and stuff...but God would never do that to me. He's been reminding me that I am an expression of His creativity and unconventionality, that He created me to be both intellectual and creative and that's never going to change! so i know what you mean, and I'm really happy that i won't have to change myself. i like being me :P
haha sorry...i just had to let that out.
[p.s. apparently there's a 'no dancing' rule on PHC's campus. if that applies to worship in any way, i'm going to change that next year when i get there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
Wow, This post really touched me...I feel pretty lonely lately..I'm about to post my first thing about it I think...But I know for a fact it's cause I'm not with God the way I used to be...but it's so hard for me to figure out why when I come back to Him everytime, I end up just falling farther down a few days later.it makes me feel like my true self is that girl whos falling,falling,falling..and not the beautiful blank canvas girl God told me about...the childlike one with the childlike faith...the supersensitive one..with a heart for outcasts....I dont see any of that in myself anymore...I only see the art left and thats the ONLY thing that reminds me of God anymore. I want to be that person agian so badly..
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